Life..............

Livin & Learnin---Learnin & Livin ...so much to absorb..so much to discard..where do I begin?? I start with me, my flaws, my issues, my mistakes, my ways that are not so right... Constantly looking in that mirror and waiting in silence for truth to immerge..not afraid or ashamed to face the gritty grungy truth, ready to tear that mess up by the root. Sad/happy, happy/sad...teeter tottering on 2 familiar spectrums wondering where I fall...where do I really wanna be..do I want to wallow in self-pity or bask in the abundance of bliss...what will I miss while I try once again to sift through all of this?? A myriad of thoughts...a myriad of emotions flowing shooting exploding in my head..Sometimes I've felt like..wished I was ..........
Like a burst of light exposing darkness the voice of God through the pages of life cut through the montage of thoughts/emotions/anxieties/fears/questions....Now I know what to do..now I know there's purpose for me..Now I'm ready to surrender completely and give HIM all I have so that he can make me what he wants me to be...The LIGHT always nullifies darkness...I've come full circle and although I must begin again I am certain of the bright future ahead.......I can finally see clearly, freely, without reservation, without doubt....ambitious, but somehwat naive..naive to the drudgery of doubt/fear/pain ...clean slate..newness....boundless...Magnificent...basking in HIS SPLENDOR!!

Paradigm Shift

I named this blog that because my way/pattern of thinking has changed...Let me explain something...so I used to believe in SoulMates when I was a lil younger like up until I turned like 22....27 now...A lot happened..but I'd gotten to the point where I felt like there was no such thing as SoulMates..I'd seen so much and just felt like it was silly, naive, and ridiculous to think that there was someone for everyone..Just didnt seem like everyone was gonna get a fair shake...I now realize that SoulMates exist...I felt like Christians make Spirit lead choices..but surely there was no such thing as soulmates..The mother of this way of thinking was DOUBT...I simply did not believe that the possibility of 2 people being completely meant for one another was possible...with everything I have experienced over the past years watching relationships..dealing with various people..my faith had to be restored...cant say what exactly did it..various things I guess..my Bishop always says U choose u loose...I started to believe otherwise for reasons that I can not understand now-in retrospect-I now whole heartedly agree with Charles Harris..LOL..He has been married 52 years! I made a choice recently based on what I thought was spirit lead...it was really emotion lead, and it was a mess! So I told the Lord that I concede..LOL..So I will continue to wait until my SoulMate is ready, willing, and able to connect with me, so that we can move forward in the destiny God has for us....
I'm really gonna try to stay off of relationships from now on...gonna really try.


Love yall,
Kiyah

Food For thought

MY friend opened up the question about whether marriage is more NATURAL or SPIRITUAL, he also delved in the difference between dating engagement etc....he had some great insight, so I wanted to share, enjoy =)>>>>>>>>>>>

Question Posed: What tips or guidelines would you suggest for the dating christian?OR Do you even believe that christians should date?Lastly, is the institution of marriage more natural or more spiritual?CHOOSE TO ANSWER ONE OR ALL!!! LEAVE A COMMENT!!!! JOIN THE CONVO!!!!!

Joshua says: I believe the misconception is that we are implying the fact that we are saved...So of course, to the saved person, we will apply more spiritual application to marriage...However, lets remember that we are talking about the "institution of marriage"..If we say its more spiritual than natural.....What happens when two unsaved people mary and stay married for 50 years?...Secondly, analyze this passage of scripture - 1 Corinthians 7:34 - There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.My question is How can "careth for the things of the world" be more spiritual than natural?..I do believe it has many spiritual applications, but its obviously more natural...

PART II
Question Posed:
IF MARRIAGE IS CREATED BY GOD THEN WHAT IS SO NATURAL ABOUT IT?
Joshua says:I would say neither...As I have always stated that its MORE natural than spiritual.....There is definitely a spiritual side because it is indeed created by God.....I'm not arguing that, However the scripture teaches us that we he/she who is married careth for the things of the world and how they might please their spouse..Notice the key element of marriage is "Pleasing the spouse"..If I'm married, I must provide for my wife, please my wife, protect my wife, get along with her, be attracted to her, love her, and be compatible with her..Those are all natural things that must be done when I'm married..However, nothing changes about my spiritual walk with God when I get married..I still have to be saved..regardless..However, when I get married, these natural implications are added to the equation..And dont get me wrong..OH I WILL GET MARRIED!!!!! lol..I dont want anybody to misinterpret me.MARRIAGE IS A WONDERFUL THING!!!!!!

PART III
On the topic of Engagement&Dating
when we say that the bible speaks on only two committed relationships - marriage and engagement, we run into a deep rut because in our modern day society we automatically uphold our form of "engagement" as the same as the "engagement" in the bible......However, this is not the case....My reasoning is as follows:
- Firstly, I would implore everyone to study Jewish custom regarding engagement/espousement
- Secondly, According to Jewish Custom when a couple would become engaged (espoused/betrothed) there was a ceremony
- Thirdly, "Wedding VOWS" were exchanged
- Fourth, They were bound by these vows... Read More
-Fifth, they had to wait a year to consummate or have sex....also at this time they could move in together
- Lastly, in order to get out of your "engagement" you had to get a divorce (such is the case of Mary and Joseph)

This is nothing like our form of engagement..We can't compare it to the bible's form.I don't believe that dating is a "commitment".I believe it's an acknowledgement between two people that we are interested in one another and we are getting to know one another..Commitment between men and women before God is done only when vows are exchanged..When someone gets engaged today, they are not bound under the law to marry that individual..That's why I don't believe we can use that like the bible does..So basically commitment only really starts once vows are exchanged according to the bible..

Lots of great ideas were shared...it def gave me food for thought and I wanted to share..hope it makes you think too!

Love ya!
Nakiyah

Thoughts

Seems like my thoughts have been all over the place this past week and a half...I was starting to get mad at myself...LOL...but I am clear about what I want for my life at this moment in time..that might change... but I feel good about my process. Continuing to understand that there's a big difference between what u really need what u want..I had to come to terms with the fact that I've always felt that since I was a "good girl" that God should give me what I want..all the time. Kinda spoiled right?! LOL..I am meditating on the words of James 4:6.. U have not because you ask amiss. So I went to God again in prayer and said Lord..I want what you want for my life..no matter what it is...That is what has freed me here lately..with all the knowledge and revelation God is blessing me with ..I am still hard headed at times like everybody else...Especially when it comes to matters of the heart...I am usually a very loyal person and it's hard for me to let go or give up on a person..but I have had to release some things to the LORD against my will..I bless God for growth..
I am learning so much about myself now more than ever because I am truly for once and for all saying Lord search me....and then listening with an attentive ear to what he says about me..yall keep praying for me because I feel your prayers. I truly love all of you that I share my mind and heart with..Thx for reading and caring abt what I think...because I am surely not all that, but the grace of God is on my life

XOXOXO Love u with the love of the LORD!!!

LOVE-Part 2

God is taking me on an unfamiliar route regarding this topic...I maintain that I am still on this 6-month hiatus for another few weeks...so no commitments can be made until after that time...
I have been reading about the body and living a life of holiness here lately...Like in a clear stern voice the Lord spoke into my spirit and said these words "love is humble, but never timid"... I thought to myself ..What?! What does that mean? So what I received is that humility gives room for growth and denotes strength of character...timidity lacks assurance, is shy, and easily alarmed..so we know that 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love is not easily angered or provoked...Love is BOLD, it's BEAUTIFUL, it's BRIGHT, It's UNRELENTING, it's beyond our understanding at times. Maybe because it's the greatest commandment God gives us to exemplify(1 Corinthians 13:13)
I don't claim to know all the ends and outs of LOVE..I am really still learning...I had blocked myself off from experiencing any type of true intimacy(not sexual-cuz we know what God's word says about that), but just being timid and afraid of letting anyone in, that I had become desensitized and numb to the rawness of the emotions LOVE renders. I was literally aimlessly trying to feel my way through life and love like a blind person w/o a guide dog or wand...What is laughable now looking in retrospect is that I really believed that somehow someone would see beyond all those layers of ARMOUR and defense...I am not saying aimlessly fall in love with random folks...LOL...however don't be timid with LOVE...EVER!! Beyond your "greater judgment"....you have to be willing to takes risks and trust that if you have the Holy spirit that God will lead and guide you into all truth. There is an amazing song that takes me to another place every time I hear it..It's called "Risk" it's by PJ Morton...one of my fav lines says " So go on with life and in time you"ll see that what was and is was meant to be"...OH to be able to surrender to the Lord with those very words in our own lives. We can accept that "it is what it is" and move forward accordingly..
I am surely in unfamiliar territory right now in my life..I'm not in love...but I am allowing myself to surrender to my feelings of interest...I evaded this for so long unconsciously...being interested in people that I knew it really would not work out with...being infatuated with people that I knew things would probably never flourish with...I didnt realize how self-destructive I was being..I had to redefine and figure out things that I had no concern about for so long...We often say I want to be in love or experience it, but do we live in love (of course without over saturating ourselves) and truly live in such a way where you are ready to GO! when it's time to step into that ministry? Love in any respect is service and self denial...Like remembering to ask a person how their day was and knowing that that may require and open ear and attentive heart...not being resentful of giving up time that once was only your own....Trust me good people..I AM adjusting, so that when it's time to step into that role I am ready,willing,and able...not mean, selfish, and resentful..There's more, but I hope this is good reading for someone for now =)

Yall pray for me though as I pray for you..that I would continue to seek God about this thing called LOVE in all it's splendor...

LOVE YALL MUCH!!!!

LOVE

As I delve into this topic I am reminded of I Corinthians 13...the basis of any of my thoughts is the word of God....God has been opening up his word and revealing himself to me in a very real way about the subject of LOVE..Godly, brotherly, and romantic. I've literally been in conversations with people and the Lord has taken me to scriptures to answer those questions...

LOVE- we all want it, need it, feel like we must have it, and this is not specific to male-female romantic relationships...we innately have a DESIRE to be loved and accepted..TRUTH...Some of us are suckers for romantic-LOVE tho!! LOL...we long for that 1 person to share our friendship, loyalty, innermost thoughts, and affections with...sometimes finding ourselves in fruitless quick fix relationships to try and remedy our loneliness or longing to be with the "ONE"...Even hoping Mr/Mrs. WRONG would magically transform into Mr./Mrs. RIGHT simply because they "love" us so much, and are willing to turn their lives upside down for us! Some of us wised up and realized how amazing we are and that we are just going to wait and not engage in relationships of the "emotion" with no commitment...and some of us are still on the hunt/quest to find him/her by any means necessary...even at the expense of being redundant or repetitious with our choices.

All in all after taking this 6 month hiatus and truly reflecting on who Nakiyah is and why she thinks the way she does etc. I came to a few conclusions:
1) I was a serious commitment PHOBE
2) I was still carrying pain from personal bad experiences &others' bad experiences(I guess mine weren't enough LOL)
3) I had lost faith in God's power/sovereignty/I didn't trust HIS will for my life
4)I'd forgotten who I was and all the great qualities I have

Okay so what solutions did God give me?? Cuz I desperately wanted to grown and learn from this experience and not just do it for the sake of saying I did it.
1) He had me reading 1 Corinthians 13 for a portion of this season in my life...cuz I had to get down the love of God first before I could tackle ..Romantic relationship issues in my life
2) After that...believe it or not he had me in Song of Solomon!! He had to show me that everything we need or want is in the word of God and he Had to restore my faith in GODLY relationships
3) Then he took me to Proverbs, which I actually just finished recently(with way more to study in there)He gave me jewels..I def suggest PROVERBS...you'll be changed forever!!

So many other things happened but all in all this is what God showed me abt LOVE:
-His love is unconditional & undeserved, however if someone wants access to my life(romantically) they have to show that they are worthy
-Any relationship(friendship, family, professional) requires first investigation(getting to understand the other party) identifying strengths&weaknesses, and working to encourage said parties to get better. The goal is ALWAYS to ENHANCE the relationship..not judge it, hurt it, belittle it, CORRECTION+LOVE=TRUST...if u need to correct it has to be under the above mentioned guide..it has to be done in LOVE
-It is a free gift to be given cautiously and purely..with no ulterior motives...If u find yourself constantly looking for validation then u have to check your motives
-That it is not elusive to me or anyone..one just has to have a ready heart to receive it..that means "it" and all that comes with "it"..One who wants to receive love must be mature and able to handle a malleable heart

There's more but I will stop here for now...God is still working on me...but he is making me into a "treasure" and using people to impart wisdom, knowledge, and love to me, so that I can understand God's concept of love even better.

I hope someone gets something from me sharing this....Let Love ABOUND!!!!!!!!!

DESTINY

I am feeling real good right now! I received the best compliment last nite/this morning...needless to say it made me think abt the validity of the compliment...I know I'm precious, but when someone else acknowledges it..it's makes a difference ya know? There was a time when I would have been all in love with the person who paid the compliment...but I have matured..I can appreciate the admiration, but not equate that with my future or destiny..if ya feel what I mean? I am moving cautiously and prayerfully in this walk...my life...the life of my future children..and others depends on me makin spirit lead decisions. I am going to continue to treasure my "gifts" and perfect other gifts, so that I will truly be a blessing...also I want someone to truly be blessed and edified by my life...anyone..I just want God to feel that he can trust me