God is taking me on an unfamiliar route regarding this topic...I maintain that I am still on this 6-month hiatus for another few weeks...so no commitments can be made until after that time...
I have been reading about the body and living a life of holiness here lately...Like in a clear stern voice the Lord spoke into my spirit and said these words "love is humble, but never timid"... I thought to myself ..What?! What does that mean? So what I received is that humility gives room for growth and denotes strength of character...timidity lacks assurance, is shy, and easily alarmed..so we know that 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love is not easily angered or provoked...Love is BOLD, it's BEAUTIFUL, it's BRIGHT, It's UNRELENTING, it's beyond our understanding at times. Maybe because it's the greatest commandment God gives us to exemplify(1 Corinthians 13:13)
I don't claim to know all the ends and outs of LOVE..I am really still learning...I had blocked myself off from experiencing any type of true intimacy(not sexual-cuz we know what God's word says about that), but just being timid and afraid of letting anyone in, that I had become desensitized and numb to the rawness of the emotions LOVE renders. I was literally aimlessly trying to feel my way through life and love like a blind person w/o a guide dog or wand...What is laughable now looking in retrospect is that I really believed that somehow someone would see beyond all those layers of ARMOUR and defense...I am not saying aimlessly fall in love with random folks...LOL...however don't be timid with LOVE...EVER!! Beyond your "greater judgment"....you have to be willing to takes risks and trust that if you have the Holy spirit that God will lead and guide you into all truth. There is an amazing song that takes me to another place every time I hear it..It's called "Risk" it's by PJ Morton...one of my fav lines says " So go on with life and in time you"ll see that what was and is was meant to be"...OH to be able to surrender to the Lord with those very words in our own lives. We can accept that "it is what it is" and move forward accordingly..
I am surely in unfamiliar territory right now in my life..I'm not in love...but I am allowing myself to surrender to my feelings of interest...I evaded this for so long unconsciously...being interested in people that I knew it really would not work out with...being infatuated with people that I knew things would probably never flourish with...I didnt realize how self-destructive I was being..I had to redefine and figure out things that I had no concern about for so long...We often say I want to be in love or experience it, but do we live in love (of course without over saturating ourselves) and truly live in such a way where you are ready to GO! when it's time to step into that ministry? Love in any respect is service and self denial...Like remembering to ask a person how their day was and knowing that that may require and open ear and attentive heart...not being resentful of giving up time that once was only your own....Trust me good people..I AM adjusting, so that when it's time to step into that role I am ready,willing,and able...not mean, selfish, and resentful..There's more, but I hope this is good reading for someone for now =)
Yall pray for me though as I pray for you..that I would continue to seek God about this thing called LOVE in all it's splendor...
LOVE YALL MUCH!!!!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
LOVE
As I delve into this topic I am reminded of I Corinthians 13...the basis of any of my thoughts is the word of God....God has been opening up his word and revealing himself to me in a very real way about the subject of LOVE..Godly, brotherly, and romantic. I've literally been in conversations with people and the Lord has taken me to scriptures to answer those questions...
LOVE- we all want it, need it, feel like we must have it, and this is not specific to male-female romantic relationships...we innately have a DESIRE to be loved and accepted..TRUTH...Some of us are suckers for romantic-LOVE tho!! LOL...we long for that 1 person to share our friendship, loyalty, innermost thoughts, and affections with...sometimes finding ourselves in fruitless quick fix relationships to try and remedy our loneliness or longing to be with the "ONE"...Even hoping Mr/Mrs. WRONG would magically transform into Mr./Mrs. RIGHT simply because they "love" us so much, and are willing to turn their lives upside down for us! Some of us wised up and realized how amazing we are and that we are just going to wait and not engage in relationships of the "emotion" with no commitment...and some of us are still on the hunt/quest to find him/her by any means necessary...even at the expense of being redundant or repetitious with our choices.
All in all after taking this 6 month hiatus and truly reflecting on who Nakiyah is and why she thinks the way she does etc. I came to a few conclusions:
1) I was a serious commitment PHOBE
2) I was still carrying pain from personal bad experiences &others' bad experiences(I guess mine weren't enough LOL)
3) I had lost faith in God's power/sovereignty/I didn't trust HIS will for my life
4)I'd forgotten who I was and all the great qualities I have
Okay so what solutions did God give me?? Cuz I desperately wanted to grown and learn from this experience and not just do it for the sake of saying I did it.
1) He had me reading 1 Corinthians 13 for a portion of this season in my life...cuz I had to get down the love of God first before I could tackle ..Romantic relationship issues in my life
2) After that...believe it or not he had me in Song of Solomon!! He had to show me that everything we need or want is in the word of God and he Had to restore my faith in GODLY relationships
3) Then he took me to Proverbs, which I actually just finished recently(with way more to study in there)He gave me jewels..I def suggest PROVERBS...you'll be changed forever!!
So many other things happened but all in all this is what God showed me abt LOVE:
-His love is unconditional & undeserved, however if someone wants access to my life(romantically) they have to show that they are worthy
-Any relationship(friendship, family, professional) requires first investigation(getting to understand the other party) identifying strengths&weaknesses, and working to encourage said parties to get better. The goal is ALWAYS to ENHANCE the relationship..not judge it, hurt it, belittle it, CORRECTION+LOVE=TRUST...if u need to correct it has to be under the above mentioned guide..it has to be done in LOVE
-It is a free gift to be given cautiously and purely..with no ulterior motives...If u find yourself constantly looking for validation then u have to check your motives
-That it is not elusive to me or anyone..one just has to have a ready heart to receive it..that means "it" and all that comes with "it"..One who wants to receive love must be mature and able to handle a malleable heart
There's more but I will stop here for now...God is still working on me...but he is making me into a "treasure" and using people to impart wisdom, knowledge, and love to me, so that I can understand God's concept of love even better.
I hope someone gets something from me sharing this....Let Love ABOUND!!!!!!!!!
LOVE- we all want it, need it, feel like we must have it, and this is not specific to male-female romantic relationships...we innately have a DESIRE to be loved and accepted..TRUTH...Some of us are suckers for romantic-LOVE tho!! LOL...we long for that 1 person to share our friendship, loyalty, innermost thoughts, and affections with...sometimes finding ourselves in fruitless quick fix relationships to try and remedy our loneliness or longing to be with the "ONE"...Even hoping Mr/Mrs. WRONG would magically transform into Mr./Mrs. RIGHT simply because they "love" us so much, and are willing to turn their lives upside down for us! Some of us wised up and realized how amazing we are and that we are just going to wait and not engage in relationships of the "emotion" with no commitment...and some of us are still on the hunt/quest to find him/her by any means necessary...even at the expense of being redundant or repetitious with our choices.
All in all after taking this 6 month hiatus and truly reflecting on who Nakiyah is and why she thinks the way she does etc. I came to a few conclusions:
1) I was a serious commitment PHOBE
2) I was still carrying pain from personal bad experiences &others' bad experiences(I guess mine weren't enough LOL)
3) I had lost faith in God's power/sovereignty/I didn't trust HIS will for my life
4)I'd forgotten who I was and all the great qualities I have
Okay so what solutions did God give me?? Cuz I desperately wanted to grown and learn from this experience and not just do it for the sake of saying I did it.
1) He had me reading 1 Corinthians 13 for a portion of this season in my life...cuz I had to get down the love of God first before I could tackle ..Romantic relationship issues in my life
2) After that...believe it or not he had me in Song of Solomon!! He had to show me that everything we need or want is in the word of God and he Had to restore my faith in GODLY relationships
3) Then he took me to Proverbs, which I actually just finished recently(with way more to study in there)He gave me jewels..I def suggest PROVERBS...you'll be changed forever!!
So many other things happened but all in all this is what God showed me abt LOVE:
-His love is unconditional & undeserved, however if someone wants access to my life(romantically) they have to show that they are worthy
-Any relationship(friendship, family, professional) requires first investigation(getting to understand the other party) identifying strengths&weaknesses, and working to encourage said parties to get better. The goal is ALWAYS to ENHANCE the relationship..not judge it, hurt it, belittle it, CORRECTION+LOVE=TRUST...if u need to correct it has to be under the above mentioned guide..it has to be done in LOVE
-It is a free gift to be given cautiously and purely..with no ulterior motives...If u find yourself constantly looking for validation then u have to check your motives
-That it is not elusive to me or anyone..one just has to have a ready heart to receive it..that means "it" and all that comes with "it"..One who wants to receive love must be mature and able to handle a malleable heart
There's more but I will stop here for now...God is still working on me...but he is making me into a "treasure" and using people to impart wisdom, knowledge, and love to me, so that I can understand God's concept of love even better.
I hope someone gets something from me sharing this....Let Love ABOUND!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
DESTINY
I am feeling real good right now! I received the best compliment last nite/this morning...needless to say it made me think abt the validity of the compliment...I know I'm precious, but when someone else acknowledges it..it's makes a difference ya know? There was a time when I would have been all in love with the person who paid the compliment...but I have matured..I can appreciate the admiration, but not equate that with my future or destiny..if ya feel what I mean? I am moving cautiously and prayerfully in this walk...my life...the life of my future children..and others depends on me makin spirit lead decisions. I am going to continue to treasure my "gifts" and perfect other gifts, so that I will truly be a blessing...also I want someone to truly be blessed and edified by my life...anyone..I just want God to feel that he can trust me
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